Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
