Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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