dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
As shirtless as possible
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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