I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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