You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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