My first STD was from a foam party
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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