We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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