I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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