Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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