I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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