I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My breath smells like gin and sadness
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize