Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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