i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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