Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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