She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
