I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
