I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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