Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
