Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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