Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
