It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
