Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
