So drunk its hurt
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
