i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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