I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
