eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
