If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
