Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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