i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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