we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
