I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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