dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just forgot I was standing up.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
