So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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