So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
