She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
