apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
