I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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