Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
