I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize