you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
