yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
