Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize