last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
