Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
