I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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