I just saw a hot homeless man
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
