oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
