He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
