Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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