I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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