Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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