420 ftw
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
from now on my penis is your penis
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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