You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
