I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
