Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
