And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
