dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
