I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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