How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
