Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
