And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
