After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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