I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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