OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
