You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Couch. On fire.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
