The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
