I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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